Hey Dad,
I am a father, a husband, and a big brother, just like you, Dad. You’ve been my example, my teacher, and my mentor. You taught me about responsibility, hard work, love, and how to grow continually. Because of you, I’ve been prepared to handle any problem that I’ve faced, and when I run into a problem I can’t solve, you are always there, and you’re who I go to. Well, I have a few problems I can’t solve, and I need your help.
I have children I need to raise without their grandpa. They are so young, they don’t really understand where you’ve gone. We may have more kids, they will not know you. How do I pass on your knowledge, your love, your calming presence without you here? What can I do to be their example, teacher, and mentor? How did you have the patience to teach me when I was stubborn, arrogant, and wrong? How do I be… Dad?
I have a beautiful wife who loves me and I love her. My role is to provide, love, and protect. Every single day, I think about you Dad, and how you provided for us, you love Mom with your oversized heart, and you wouldn’t let anything happen to us. I was terrified of the thin winding roads on the way to the pacific ocean with a steep drop off on one side. One slip of a tire and we would be rolling down a cliff. In those moments, I would think “Dad is driving, we will be ok. We are safe, I have no need to fear.” How am I supposed to be stoic and brave when you aren’t driving? What should I be doing for my wife to show her I love her like you love Mom? How do I provide for her and our family when I rely on you for so much?
I have younger siblings who just lost their dad. I love each one of them so much. You’ve emphasized the importance of my example to them. That as the big brother, I have a responsibility to do the right thing in all things and at all times. What is the right thing here? How can I be an example when I’m broken? How can I be strong when I feel so weak?
Dad, I have a Mom who just lost her husband. For over 32 years, you were there for her. You were there through thick and thin, high and low, in every location you happened to be in. You taught me, even sternly at times, that Mom deserves respect, she is special, she is your Angel. How can I continue to give her the love and respect she deserves when you aren’t here reminding her every day? What does being a good son look like for a grieving mother?
Lastly Dad, I lost my Dad. I don’t know what to do without you. You have always been my compass. You have brought me out of dark places. You keep me honest and focused on my responsibilities. You teach me how to fulfill those responsibilities. You have put so much trust in me. You’ve trusted me with your name. Jade Todd Davis. How can I continue giving value to your name as you have, instead of diminishing it or tarnishing it? How could I possibly fill my responsibilities as well as you filled yours? Why do you trust me with this when I fall so short so often?
I need help, Dad. I need you.
You’ve heard me listen to this song a lot this week. I want to read the lyrics to you.
It’s hard enough to find the words to say
It’s hard to find a way to be okay
A father’s love can never be replaced
But what I wouldn’t give for one more day
I would give my eyes
If I could see you one last time
I would give my arms
If I could hold you into mine
I would give my lungs
If I could fill your air inside
And I would take your place
So you could stay the rest of mine
There’s nothing I wouldn’t give for time
I think about your smile ear to ear
I’ll miss you more with every single year
But you made us promise, no more tears
Still what I wouldn’t give to have you here,
And I would give my voice
If I could hear you one last time
And I would give my all
To feel you heart beat next to mine
And I would give my soul
If I could ever change God’s mind
And I, I would take your place
So you could stay the rest of mine
There’s nothing I wouldn’t give for time
And I know you’re here with me
Forever standing by my side
And I can feel your love
Every time I close my eyes
And I know there’s no more pain
And you won’t ever have to fight
I know you’re here watching over me
‘Cause you’re the angel in my life
And I know that I will see you in time
I know that I will see you in time
I love you Dad.